First off, when we talk about helping kids become more aggressive in sports, it’s not at all in a manner that’s harmful or directed towards others. The kind of aggression being referred to is exherting more effort towards getting involved in a play.
Can a child learn to be more aggressive in sports? Children can learn to be more aggressive through coaching, skill development, and modeling. Having an aggressive mentality can be ingrained in some kids more than others based on personality, but like most behaviors, it can be learned.
Are your expectations realistic?
The first thing to ask yourself is what is to be gained by pushing your child to assert themselves in the game. As parents, we want what’s best for our kids, but sometimes our best interests don’t align with what our children need from us. For example, pushing our 7-year-old to go after the ball more in a recreational soccer game may be more detrimental, then getting desired results. In this scenario, an emphasis on just enjoying the game, and learning the fundamentals should be what’s encouraged.
For kids that have been playing sports for a few years and are in a more competitive setting, like club sports, then working on how they can be more aggressive is more realistic. Putting too much pressure on your child ruins the fun, which taints kids desire to play the sport.
Do they enjoy the sport?
If your child isn’t diving for every loose ball or attacking every play, have you considered that maybe they just don’t enjoy playing? Having open communication can help gain perspective whether the on-field play has more to do with their attitude towards the game or something else. During these conversations be a good listener instead of providing too much advice.
There could be other mental factors affecting their performance in competition. Some kids can be anxious when it’s time to compete or maybe they’re struggling socially. Check out my related post on Helping Kids Through Performance Anxiety in Sports.
How can we teach kids to be more aggressive during gameplay?
Help them to understand their Role
Your child could be holding back because they don’t know what is expected of them. Sometimes just barking out orders to kids isn’t the clear direction that they need or adults can make assumptions that a child should know what to do after being told once. I’ve learned as a coach to never assume but always work on spelling things out for kids. Having a basic understanding of the sport your child is playing can help you to reiterate some of the basics of the game.
Overcome the Fear of Failure
Another common reason that kids may not be giving their all, is they don’t want to screw up. They may have been ridiculed by a peer or called out by a coach for a negative play, so they’re hesitant to make another mistake. Helping your children understand that it’s ok to make mistakes, that it’s part of the learning process, will encourage your kids to be more willing to push through.
Set Small Goals
The flashy play or how much we score is often what is glorified, but we could be celebrating hustle plays as well. Set goals for your kids for doing those little things that show aggression. It could be as simple as grabbing a couple of rebounds or how many times they kick a soccer ball. If they accomplish their goal celebrate with a reward.
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Celebrate what they do well
Sometimes it can be easy to get caught up on what needs improving, but identifying things that your child is succeeding at can help boost their self-esteem. As kids achieve small accomplishments, improved confidence in their ability, can lead to more drive.
Improve Skill Development
Youth could be tentative because they need a little extra practice with developing fundamentals for that sport. Personal coaches can be an option with helping kids to train outside of the team environment that could benefit your child. As your child learns how to play the game and master skills it can lead to more aggressive play. Maybe your kid needs to work on conditioning or improve stamina to help them have the physical ability to play harder.
Find a Good Coach
Sometimes you end up with a coach by default, but if you are paying for a league or club, make sure that you get to know the coach before you pay. Find someone that aligns with the beliefs that you have and demonstrates the ability to teach versus just win at all cost.
How is the child motivated?
We all have different things that motivate us and a child is no different. Your child’s initial reason for participating in sports can tell you a lot about how they’re motivated. If they just want to play for social reasons, they probably don’t care that much about how they perform unless it helps them bond with others. The two main factors to consider for helping a player increase effort would be extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. It’s important to note that both motivators can work together and not just be an either or trait.
Extrinsic
An extrinsically motivated child is going to want to work towards earning rewards, trophies, or praise. Kids that are more extrinsically motivated can be more concerned with outcomes.
How Parents can help:
• Create a tangible reward for accomplishments
• Let them know you are proud of them
• Praise them in front of others or on social media
Intrinsic
A child that is intrinsically motivated may be driven by bettering themselves or meeting their own personal milestones. If they really enjoy what they’re doing or the sport their playing than they’re more apt to want to develop the skills to excel. Feeling part of a team or the experience is going to be rewarding.
How Parents can help:
• Reinforce how their individual performance is contributing to the good of the team
• Help them identify individual goals
• Respond to their individual behaviors
• Maintain open communication with them on what is enjoyable about the experience
Final Thoughts
Let’s continue to maintain perspective of why our kids are involved in sports in order to put their best interests first. By doing so, parents can encourage kids to give maximum effort in a supportive way, and as needed. There are constructive ways that we can help our kids show more fight during the game without promoting negative behavior, for our own agenda, or being over the top.
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