If your house is anything like mine, when the kids get home from school they’d much rather jump on the technology while stuffing their face with cheese puffs, versus doing anything we would consider productive.
It’s an ongoing discussion between my wife and I about how we can get our kids to develop that internal desire to do things like help out around the house, homework, or just want to do something nice for someone.
Ok, so my kids aren’t monsters, they just have their moments. I have been thinking more about habits and if we help our kids do things just because that’s what they do, then we may see more of those positive results.
Being an Effective Teacher
As parents, whether we want to be or not, we inherit the role of being a teacher. Since we are de facto teachers, we may as well figure out how to become a good one. So, what is it that makes an effective teacher?
Some of the things that came to mind when reminiscing about the various teachers in my life include:
Making You Feel Important
There are tons of stats on how often parents tend to use negative verbiage like telling our kids to “stop doing this or that” or “you need to do this or else”, while pouring on the praise can be more sporadic.
Those teachers that have been influential in my life and I’m sure in yours, have a way of making you feel like you’re the only one in a crowded room or that you can accomplish your dreams.
Being that parent that frequently tells our kids that we believe in them, support them no matter what, and encourage them, will help foster a sense of feeling important.
Knowledgeable
Do you remember as a kid how much you idolized your teachers and how anything they said seemed to be the truth? As you started to get older, you begin to realize that they are humans with all the imperfections of everyone else. One thing though, great teachers know a lot about the subject matter they’re teaching. If you don’t trust that the teacher knows what they’re talking about, it’s not going to be a positive experience for learning. We definitely don’t have all the answers as parents, but we can continue to grow and learn from our experiences and from each other.
Relatable
A great teacher is often a great storyteller or one that can share relatable experiences. Teaching through personalized experiences helps foster connection and turn learning into something that the learner can relate to.
They help you see things from a human perspective versus just reading from a text. We can share so many things with our kids that help them to see that we can relate to what they’re going through. It helps them to know what we’ve learned through our personal experiences.
Communicates Effectively
It’s always amazed me how people can interpret the same experience in so many different ways. A lot of our verbal communication can also be received very different then intended. As a coach, I’ve learned the importance of never assuming that kids know how to do something.
Some things that seem so basic to me, are things that kids have never done. For example, if we are telling our kids to be nice to someone, do they really know what we are asking them to do. Nice could mean sharing, maybe a smile, or saying something kind. As you can see being more specific can help bring more clarity and reduce confusion.
We also have to consider our non-verbal communication with our children, which is another way we are always communicating.
My wife naturally does a lot better job of this then I do. She is great at matching facial expressions and emotion with our kids that helps them feel connected. I tend to be more stoic, so something I work on improving.
Allows you to Fail
Ok, so this one may sound a little strange, but I think a good teacher will allow their students to learn from mistakes. Check out my post on the Pancake Story, which really reiterates this point. The teacher that does everything for their student or jumps in every time things get hard can hinder the growth of the student.
A good teacher will be a support when the student makes a mistake to help them learn what went wrong and how they can improve. This can be really challenging for us as parents to step back when our kids make choices that we disagree with or we know aren’t best for them.
I think we see this more prevalent with teens when they are battling for their independence, but we just don’t want to let go of our parental control. Allowing our kids to make mistakes without scolding them, will help them to feel more self-confident.
Role Model
I think a great teacher has mastered the things that they teach or practice what they preach. It’s easy to see through phonies or those that just have their own agendas. A genuine teacher demonstrates integrity and leads by example.
Our kids are always watching what we do, so they’re going to follow our lead both for good and bad. If we want our kids to change certain behaviors, let’s change that behavior within ourselves.
Developing a Habit
Why does it seem so easy to do those things that don’t really help us all that much? We’ve all heard it takes around 21 days to change a habit. So, now that we have a better understanding of becoming a better parent-teacher, how do we help our kids develop a habit?
Here are a few ideas to consider:
Utilize Goals– Setting goals can be utilized differently depending on the age of your child. Of course, older children are going to have a better understanding of implementing goals, then a toddler would. I wrote a post, It’s time to teach our kids how to set goals for success, that goes in-depth on ways to set goals with your kids and help them to understand the benefits of goal setting.
Help them to Have a Vision– I think helping kids understand why they are doing something is huge! Telling them to do their homework is one thing, but if they had a chance to really understand what doing their homework on a consistent basis could do for them, they may be more apt to do it.
If we could help kids see how being educated can help them become what they want to be or how doing something consistently can lead to something bigger, I think they may be more willing to do it. How many of us want to do something just because we are told to do it?
We don’t, but if we are doing something because we are contributing to something bigger, well now we’re on to something.
Celebrate Small Progress– Make it a big deal when you kids are taking steps in the right direction. Some people are really driven by external motivators like awards, prizes, or extra tv time. Positive praise can be great for those that may want more of that internal motivation.
Stick with It– Being consistent is key to lasting change. We all have those rough days when things just don’t go our way. It can be easy to get discouraged when things don’t work out as planned or we aren’t seeing immediate results, but keep at it. It’s ok to make mistakes, we aren’t perfect, use those mistakes as ways to learn. We only lose out on the progress we’ve made if we just give up.
Habits that we want our Kids to Learn
This really comes down to your moral values and what you believe is right. There are some things that are universally accepted as good, like using manners or treating others as you’d want to be treated, but ultimately it’s up to you and your child to determine what you value.
Here are a few areas to consider:
- Education– I think when we hear education, we immediately think of school, but it’s more than just formal education. Reading is so beneficial for our kids and is a great thing we can do with them. Check out my post, Simple ways to cope now with reading. Learning about living skills and “real world” experiences can be just as beneficial as book smarts. Click here for a great book series to help teach your kids about money.
- Social– With video games and technology, it’s getting easier for kids to become more and more isolated. Making time to have those social interactions to learn how to communicate with others will help them flourish in social situations. We can help role model and encourage positive communication with our kids.
- Health– I’ve tried to go periods of time without sugar and have been amazed at how sugar is in so much of what we eat. It’s unfortunate that many high sugary foods are made to look appealing to kids with various colors or fun associated with it. It’s definitely a challenge to get our kids to make healthy food choices. I wrote this, Tips for helping kids eat healthy that actually work, on implementing healthy eating habits.
- Leadership– Teaching our kid’s leadership skills will set them up for future success. The world needs more leaders that can be innovative and guide our future generations. I discuss in my post Leadership for Kids: tho how to for parents, on how we can help our kids become leaders.
- Moral– One thing we’ve been working on with our kids is teaching them gratitude. We’ve done things like volunteer work to help them to learn about serving others. We want our kids to appreciate the things that they have. Here is my post on 14 reasons why youth should do volunteer work, that discuss ideas for getting our kids involved in volunteering.
To summarize, as we strive to develop the qualities that make a great teacher while accepting our parent-teacher role will help us be better equipped to empower our kids to develop good habits. As our kids continue to develop good habits when they are young, they will create a foundation for the future to live a life of wellness.
Please comment below on anything that you’ve enjoyed from this post or how you’ve helped your kids develop good habits.